Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
