I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Dear god my vagina.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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