I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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