Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
