I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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