you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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