come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
