You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Life is so much better after having sex.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
