We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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