his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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