Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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