4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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