I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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