please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
