i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
