I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
