ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
