No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
