Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
