I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
