i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize