living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
