i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
