after a month anything with tits is on the radar
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
