I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
