"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
