Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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