...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
