I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
