He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
