and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I love you. Go after that dick
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
