She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
