tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Dicks are not precious.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
