I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
