just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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