The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
