You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
