when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
