Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
