He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
