I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
