the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
