can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
That accounts for only three of the penises
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
