Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
