I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
