hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
