Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
