you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
