In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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