wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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