I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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