I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize