i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Sext me about skeletons
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
