also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
This house was built for laser tag.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
