Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize