I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
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