Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
