I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
