You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
