i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
