even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
