i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Hippo gnu deer
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
