No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize