This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
