glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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