i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
