You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
