Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
