I got chris browned last night
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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