I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
