you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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