Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
