U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It's never too late to be topless.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize