Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
