We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
