I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
