one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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