I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
