i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
