i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
