trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
be right there i have to get my cape
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize
