I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize