I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
