Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize