Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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