the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
