I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
