this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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