I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
