What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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