my sisters under your porch take her home
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
