i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
