so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
