i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
