you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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