this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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