I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
