Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
