We're like a lot better than the average bears
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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