were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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