Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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