you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
