My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize