Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
pray to the hookup gods
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
