I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
