OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
