Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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