You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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