we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
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